Why I am a Bipolar Wannabe

What are you insane, you may ask? perhaps. If I had never had suffered depression, I doubt very seriously I would entertain this idea. But since I have and know how debilitating that can be, and thank the fates, I have survived and each time grown stronger. And since I can't or won't ever live a life without any depression, at least I can dream of days of hypomania, or mania light. Of course I don't want psychosis, hallucinations. or delusions. Of course I have never been psychotic, but have met people who were, and that's a tragedy.

What I want are days that are beyond mellow yellow.Dang I am too laid back on my best days.Sure I have some creativity, but I never have that divine spark of madness, productivity like all my historical heroes have.Dang, why can't I be a little more like Lord Byron, Michelangel,Picasso or Hemingway and less do nothing, achieve nothing? No touch of greatness. After all I don't want to be an Alexander the Great or Napoleon. It's not the world I want to conquer. It's myself. And a small business empire wouldn't be bad either. Sure I do not need as much as Ted Turner. But to leave some mark on civilization would be nice. And it seems Bipolars do it better, if maybe not more than ,even people who have not been diagnose with some form of neurosis.

But with so many new forms or neurosis being discovered, it's hard to believe some mental label doesn't apply to everyone. Of course you are always more than your labels. At least that's what I keep saying over and over again in my self talk.

Besides Depression is so boring, that is Unipolar Depression. True it does teach one sensitivity, and perhaps one becomes more in tune with the music of the spheres. True just being mellow,without depression provides contrast. But not the same contrast as hypomania.What's more Depression isn't even in fashion, even though Mike Wallace talks about it.

What can be more fashionable than being bipolar? Look at Britney Spears.You don't even have to wear your Armani well. Twenty years or even five years ago, you never heard anything about it, except in some psychology class. But now it's a conversation topic, even in the conservative deep south. On T.V., it's talked about all the time. and the drugs you can buy if you happen to have this very fashinable psychological label, Bipolar disorer to manage your mood swings.